Friday, April 16, 2010

A Big Bit of Introspection

When the reality of being pregnant with triplets sank in I started actually reading and researching what to expect. I had my list going in my head of what to ask the OB about and prepared visions of what it would be like. I really wanted to go into labor. I knew that the odds of delivering all three girls naturally wasn't in my favor, but I'm a big believer in babies coming at the right time so I wanted to avoid scheduling a c-section. I also wanted to go as long as possible with the girls so that they would be big and healthy and come home with me. Neither of those wishes came true.

I was pretty sure a c-section was in my future when ultrasound after ultrasound showed A transverse Baby A and one or two breech babies. I was still hoping to go into labor but preeclampsia put an end to that one, too. So I had an emergency c-section late at night on a holiday. The c-section itself I have no problems with and it went well other than the bad reaction to the epidural. (Aba says I tried to sit up during the surgery. I don't remember that.)

The girls ended up spending 15 days in the NICU. Chaya had a night on the ventilator but other than that, they just had to grow and get a strong enough suck. Here is where my issues lay. Who wasn't allowed to see (much less hold) her children until 24 hours after their birth? Raises hand. Who got to listen to family members complain that they couldn't go to the NICU to see her children a second time when she was only allowed a digital photograph? Raises hand.

But that's actually not the point of this post. You see, shortly after the girls came home, there was a woman in our community who gave birth to triplets. Naturally. They were all healthy and hale and went home without a NICU stay. Pretty much my dream. Only her delivery turned into a nightmare and she was left disabled and in a vegetative state. As her children turn four she is living on the East coast while they are in the Los Angeles area and she hasn't seen them since they were 17 months old.

 As sickening as the story is it does have one positive. It has healed me. Or added to the healing. Or reinforced the healing. Whatever you want to call it. While that one day has haunted me at my weakest, it is so inconsequential compared to Abbie's days.

A couple of post-scripts: As I mentioned above, I can't bring myself to read the entire article. Second, I am in no way saying that birthing triplets naturally caused Abbie's condition. Third, I used the term "vegetative" because that is what I've seen most often online and in the paper. I can't seem to find a definitive statement on her condition and that appears to be the crux of the lawsuit between Abbie and Dan. Finally, please take a moment to say a prayer for Chaya Avigail Ilana bat Sarah Raziel.