Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I'm not how I was

and I am okay with that.

So today I got my Mother's Day present. A spa day. It was lovely. Dh came home from work and watched the girls (and fed them, cleaned them and the table up and got them down for their nap) and I got a massage, facial, reflexology, lunch and a manicure. I also got a couple cat naps during the massage and facial and had a wonderful espresso. It also made me rethink some things.

Way back when, I was totally into the pampering scene. I would get manicures and pedicures weekly, a facial every month. I had my hair cut and colored every 6 weeks. It was what I deserved. What I enjoyed.

Really, there is nothing wrong with that and if you enjoy it (as I did), can afford it, want it, then you shouldn't feel any guilt about it. But it isn't "me" any more. I loved my relaxing time and I definitely want to do it again (perhaps after the Tishrei rush of holidays) and I know dh will be getting something similar because it was spectacularly relaxing.

However, I also know that I am no longer waiting for the day when I can leave the girls with a sitter and get a manicure. Or when they go to school and I can get regular facials. My focus just isn't there right now. Instead, I'm thinking about how my back doesn't hurt and it should be easier to swing a toddler up in a wrap. How I can't make bread when I get home because of the polish. How I wish I could take the girls out to the park because the weather is sunny and lovely.

I love being tidy. I love being groomed. I'm not planning on falling back into that unkempt mess that I was at the height of PPD. But I'm not planning on falling back into the trappings of a "lady who lunches" either.