Friday, January 15, 2010

Viewing the Garden

If you are following me on Twitter or a Facebook friend then you know that I'm taking Mondo Beyondo right now. We are just about done with the first week and I'm finding it interesting and uplifting. And since I'm me, I haven't done any of the assignments.

Well, I've read them and thought about them, but I haven't actually carved a few minutes out of the day to commit them to paper or blog. So here I sit at 12:11 Friday morning putting a few notes out there.

We had a pre-class assignment to discover our word for the year. This I did and I'm very happy with it. It sums up what I want to achieve without putting a value on any one item and setting myself up to fail.


Isn't it a lovely word? I'm not going to do X and avoid Y. I'm going to take what G-d gives me and run with it. Make it my own.

The first official assignment of the class was very hard for me. I spent a lot of time mulling it over and re-reading the wonderful essay that introduced the assignment. When I was trying to get pregnant I had a dream. I worked on it and for it and put all of my faith into its fruition. Then it happened and I was blessed with triplets and I turned that attention towards having the pregnancy and birth I wanted.

Then the birth part didn't turn out as I had dreamed and I slid into past-partum depression. Since then I seem to have lost my focus and my way. I've come out of the depression but the fogginess is still there at times. Like weeds in a garden, aimless wandering through life has taken over and I find that I've lost the ability to see the dreamers around me.

I used to think I needed to pull the weeds out so that my garden would be beautiful once more.

I've discovered that if I look at the garden with dreamer's eyes the weeds are actually very pretty.