TORCH Rundown

Wow. Wow. Wow. That's pretty much all I can say about the incredible experience of attending the Torah Home Education Conference yesterday. It was a grueling trip. (I left at 11:05 pm Saturday and returned at 10:20 pm Sunday with only 2 hours of sleep on the plane heading to Baltimore.) I met some amazing women and listened to quite a few incredible speakers. Mrs. Avivah Werner outdid herself and I'm already excited not only to put new ideas into action, but to learn even more next year!

First up was the keynote speech by Rabbi Daniel Lapin. I've had the pleasure of hearing Rabbi Lapin speak at our bet knesset a few times before. I wasn't aware the he and his wife home educated their children and was thrilled when I learned about it.

Next was the choice of sessions with Mrs. Chana Lazaroff  or Mrs. Susan Lapin. It was such a difficult choice to make, but inertia won out and I stayed in my seat to hear Mrs. Lapin's tips for making the transition back/into institutionalized learning. She shared pitfalls her family encountered and ideas to stay involved with the greater Jewish community.

Following the Lapins was Rabbi Yosef Bentzion Bamberger. Rabbi Bamberger spoke to why the Day School/Yeshiva is broken and what we can do to successfully educate our children and the children in the system.

After lunch I attended a session with Mrs. Yehudis Eagle who spoke about tefilah and how to ignite the spark in our children (and ourselves).

Next was Mrs. Malky Adler who shared her experience being the only home educating family in Oak Park, Michigan. (Now one of two families in the community.)

Finally Rabbi Simcha Feuerman spoke about creating a vibrant and engaging limudei kodesh curriculum.

 I'll be going through my notes and writing up detailed thoughts on each session I attended throughout the next week or two.

Big Lessons

One of the things I hear a lot about when I tell people we are homeschooling is how to teach Jewish themes. I'm a firm believer in the idea that you can teach everything through the Torah and by keeping your eyes open you can find lessons everyday for your children. Yesterday the girls learned about hashgacha pratis. (Hasgacha pratis is commonly translated as divine providence or guidance. It is the idea that G-d is controlling every detail of the world.)

We went strawberry picking yesterday. We hit traffic heading out to Cal Poly Pomona so the drive was almost twice as long as expected. Then Brenda at the Farm Store was explaining that there weren't many berries ready. It seems that kids are so excited to be picking that they grab anything that looks like a strawberry even if it is green. Then the parents dump them onto the ground and move on. At first glance it looks like there are plenty of berries almost ready, but there aren't and they never get ready because the green ones keep getting picked. She said they were planning on closing the field for a week or so to let everything ripen up.

I was explaining to the girls that we would go look, but there probably wouldn't be much to pick and Shira started crying. Brenda felt so bad that she let us into the employee only area so we got four baskets. After we paid we were going to put the berries into the car and get out our lunches when the rain started. So we had an impromptu lunch in the car before heading out.

I explained to the girls about what hashgacha means and how we need to be sure to say our brachot when we eat the berries because if it had started raining at any point before we got to the farm we wouldn't have gone. (I had a back-up plan for the Natural History Museum if berry picking got rained out.)

A note on Cal Poly: If you are going, definitely call first. They have a small store with some beverages, produce, candy, wine, plants, honey, etc. and picnic tables out front as well as a large grassy area so you can plan on having lunch there before or after picking berries. If you are using GPS the address might not work (it didn't for me) but there is a sign for the  Farm Store at the intersection of University Drive and Temple Avenue. The berries were $1.99 a pound and are irrigated with grey water so bring a bottle of water to wash berries you or the kids might sample in the fields.

Big Crowd

One of our last projects for Pesah this year was the creation of a crowd of Israelites leaving Egypt. We used a couple of my blue scarves to represent Yam Suf and the girls had fun naming each of the figures.

And It Starts

Pesah cleaning that is. And planning. And shopping. And menu making. And inviting. And accepting invitations.

This year the girls are actually able to be part of the process which is new to me. Four years ago I was waddling around the house doing the minimum because I was huge and tired. That was the year Aba rolled me to a friends house for lunch on the second day and I slept through the meal on a chair pushed out-of-the-way. (I also managed to impress everyone walking with us when we hit a bump in the sidewalk and Aba nearly flipped me out of the wheelchair but I just stood up and walked out of the way.)

The following year I had three one year-olds so things were pretty easy. We had gates up and they weren't eating much chametz anyways. Last year I still had some gates up and they were limited to what food I put within reach but they were all over the place. They also didn't understand about Pesah beyond that people were coming over and we were going places. In my opinion, that was the hardest year.

We haven't gotten heavily into Pesah preparations yet so this might change, but this year is shaping up to be fun. We are working with the simplified explanation that chametz is anything you say the bracha mezonot over. I've marked the calendar with a large star showing when we will be getting rid of the chametz in the house. I've also made up signs with similar stars for each room as it is cleaned. When we go shopping we are looking for non-chametz snacks to bring in as well as working towards consuming all of the chametz in the house.

Project wise, the girls will be making seder plates, cups for Eliyahu haNavi and pillows for the family.

22 days to go...

Making Shabbat Special

Aba and I had a bit of a situation this morning. While laying in bed, Chaya decided to tell everyone that it was time to wake up and she was going to watch her show. As we usually do, we told her that it was Shabbat and we didn't watch TV on Shabbat. Then Shira asked why some people watched TV on Shabbat. I told her that some people aren't Jewish and don't celebrate Shabbat. She then informed us that she didn't want to be Jewish and didn't want to celebrate Shabbat.

When discussing this with other mothers at synagogue, my original impulse was confirmed. Aba and I need to make Shabbat a day of "do" not one of "don't." One idea was to go through the toys on Friday and pick out some that were "Shabbat worthy" and set them out. Another was to get some books and toys that are only for Shabbat. Also shared was the tip to do something every day to get ready for Shabbat so that there is anticipation building.

I've tried the first two at different times with varying success but will give both of them another go. The last idea is something that I do for myself but haven't really done for the girls. I started tonight. When we finished Havdalah I stated, "only six days until Shabbat!"

If you have any other ideas of ways to make Shabbat special for 3-1/2 year-olds, please let me know! Also, any tips of books and toys that are Shabbat-appropriate (no batteries, music, writing, etc) are welcome.

Judaism and Progressive Parenting

I recently joined Scott Noelle's PATH program and posted an introduction on the forums. I listed the basics...3-1/2 year old triplets, the path I took to attachment parenting, frum Jew. You know all that stuff that should help people see where I'm coming from. Turns out I'm the first triplet mom there, though there are a few twin moms and the only Orthodox Jew. Not too surprising, actually. What has left me stumped, though, is a question asked of me in one of the replies.

How do you integrate your parenting choices with your Orthodox values?

All of the jabbering on I do about both topics and I can't figure out a coherent answer to this! The best I can come up with is that it simply is. Sounds like a bit of a cop out, huh? Yet it seems the most accurate.

In the same way that I imagine a vegan mother would pass on her values towards the use of animal products to her children, I pass my values as a Torah Jew to my children.

Before we eat, we say the bracha. After the bathroom we say the bracha. We wash when we wake up and we say Sh'ma before bed. In our afternoon routine is prayer and at various points throughout the day we give tzedakah. When we shop for food, we have to look to see if it is kosher. When we shop for clothing we have to decide if it is appropriate. After eating a meat item we have to check the clock and wait before dairy.

In the same way that I'm not going to spank my children or send them on a time out or tell them that they are horrible people I'm not going to feed them a cheeseburger or let them watch a movie on Shabbat.

The largest obstacle to understanding how an Orthodox Jew can be a progressive parent lies in how you view your relationship with HaShem. A lot of people view HaShem as a benevolent father who has unending love for you when you are good but is harsh when you err. They also see the "rules" He has set before us as harsh and arbitrary and having no place in the modern world. By redefining the core relationship we have with HaShem we find that progressive parenting fits in very well with Orthodoxy.

Instead of viewing the mitzvot as unyielding rules set forth in an arbitrary manner I view them as immutable laws of truth--they simply are--and I interact with HaShem in a teacher-student relationship. As a teacher or mentor would, HaShem (through the Tanakh, Mishnah and the writings and drashim by Rabbanim throughout history) guides me through a life lived following the laws set forth in the Torah.

This is how I view my role as a parent. I'm not here to force my children to do anything. Rather I help them navigate a life that is true to them and fits within the framework of truth that we have. Just as I teach them that the law of gravity means they can't fly off of the top of a building I also teach them that the law of the Torah means we can't eat bread on Pesach.

I realize that this approach is a bit unorthodox, but since when has anything in my life been orthodox? Other than the whole Orthodox Jew thing, that is. :)

I highly recommend both the PATH program and Scott's free emails The Daily Groove. Both are wonderful to have in your parenting toolbox.

Haveil Havalim #243 Is Up

Phyllis at Ima on and Off the Bima is hosting this week. Go check it out. It usually takes me a week to get through all of the posts, but I'm hoping to get some time while Aba and the girls watch a movie to read. We'll see how that goes.

Did You know There Are Only 29 Days Until Hanukkah?

From Home-shuler! by way of Phyllis.

A Jewish Holiday Meme

One menorah, or several? Hillel or Shammai? (just kidding about that part)
We use one large one in the front window.

Do you buy your children gifts for every night of Chanukah?
The girls get one large store-bought combined gift from us and 2 handmade ones each.

Do you and your spouse/partner or any other adults in your life exchange gifts?
No. Our anniversary is in the end of January so we exchange then.

Special family chanukah traditions?
We have eight books that I wrap. Each night we open one as a family and read it together. Aba and I have also discussed "adopting" a family and providing Hanukkah for them. We haven't decided if that will fit into the plans this year. I have hopes of making this a time of giving to others as well as getting gifts.

Latkes or sufganiyot? If latkes, sour cream or applesauce?
Sufganiyot mostly. I've made latkes but that usually happens on day 7 or 8 when we are feeling maxed out on the sufganiyot. When we have latkes it is applesauce. All. The. Way.

Favorite chanukah book?
Light the Candles by Joan Holub was popular last year.

Do you actually play dreidl? If so, what do you use for counters?
We just spin and spin and spin them for the girls.

What relationship, if any, do you have with Christmas and all things Christmas-y?
None.

If you're reading, you're tagged!

Some Things Aren't Meant to Be

or Finding Meaning in the Seemingly Unmeaningful

or Having Faith When You Aren't Sure You Can

I'm about to get a bit esoteric. Just thought I'd mention that.

There is a thought in Judaism that every person is put on Earth to do a job. Once that job is done, the person dies. The usual examble of this is Boaz from Megillat Rut (he redeems Rut, fathers a son by her and then dies). I suppose this thought is pretty easy to get if you are talking about someone who had a very long life that was filled with obviously important work, but when talking about young children and stillborn babies it is a bit harder to figure out and accept.

This summer I had a brush with this idea.

On mikveh night I said my usual prayers and then said a special one to Hashem. I asked that if we were ready to add to our family, that we would get pregnant this cycle. If we weren't, I asked that it would be easy to accept. You see, I've started doing what one doctor said would never happen and another said was unlikely but possible. I've ovulated three times on a regular schedule. So heading into another month I had the idea that it was time.

I suspected about a week before I could test. I was tired. Very tired. I was cranky. My stomach was rock hard. I had heartburn.

Well, I've known about you for 3 hours now. You are just a faint little line barely visible on a white stick but I've been pretty sure about it for a while. I'm trying really hard to resist the urge to shout it to the world, but I want so much from this pregnancy and birth that I'm truly fearful of ayin hara. 6/26/09

On the earliest day I could test, I did and got a line so faint I thought I was crazy. But Aba saw it too. I was on pins and needles waiting to re-test. Three days later the line was still faint, but darker than before. Then the doubts started coming. Some days I was certain of it. Others I wasn't. Three days later I tested again.

Well little one. You are giving me quite the scare. I had thought a nice dark line would be waiting for me this morning. Instead I only have a slightly darker line. Faint and unphotographable (in any sort of focus). I've also had some very light spotting over these last two days. 6/29/09

I wasn't pregnant. Anymore. At some point I was. There was HCG in my system and the start of a new life in my body. My prayer had been answered.

This morning I was certain I wasn't. I just didn't feel pregnant. But now it is coming onto 11:00 AM and I'm ready for a nap. 7/1/09

During those six days I realized what I still wanted to do and what I still had to do. How was I going to get the clutter out of the house if I was sleeping the day away? Pregnant women can't detox so I would have to wait to finish my healing. There was so much stuff I wanted to do and it would all have to wait. Yes. I would have survived. I did move while four months pregnant with triplets.

And that seems to have been that small cluster of cell's purpose in this life. To show me that time doesn't stand still and I need to get a move on. You see, I'm not not ready for another child and yet I'm not not ready either. I'm almost ready. Just like I was almost pregnant.

Pesah is Underway

All over the Jewish internet, people are talking about Pesah cleaning. There are lists to do, posts lamenting the work ahead, people procrastinating and a growing movement trying to take back the holiday. In Los Angeles, Pesah is in the air, too. Everyone is busily getting rid of their chametz. The stores are pulling out the kosher l'Pesah packages and have marked up their meat prices. For us Pesah has been in the air for over a month already.

Aba thought I was crazy when I made my menus the day after Tu b'Shevat. The look on his face when I brought home a bag of salt, coffee and sugar was priceless. The phone call I got from a friend asking me, in shock, if it was true I had started cleaning on the Sunday after sealed my fate. I now face the odd dilema of having the house ready three weeks ahead of time. 

Now, before you start thinking I'm either completely insane, totally unrealistic or have no life let me explain...

First, I have triplets. They are three. They aren't at the stage where they will sit quietly and play or even entertain themselves while I work. If I want to complete anything by a certain date then I need to start early and blaze through it. Or it won't get done.

Secondly, I want to enjoy the last few days of their two-ness. I also want to enjoy Pesah so I need to get stuff done. Not to mention, I have to prepare seven meals for the first three days. Seven! If I'm going to make it to San Diego for my niece's birthday a week before the seder, I have to be ready.

Thirdly, the girls' birthday party is two days after the end of Pesah. If I get Pesah done early, I can get some stuff done for their birthday and then only have to worry about their cake once I can buy some flour.

Lastly and most importantly we make the charoset here and it needs to be done a couple weeks early so it can really develop. Trust me on this one. Ten days is the minimum, but two weeks is better. And we want better.

I'll likely write more about Pesah and a bit about preparations, but this is where we stand now. 

Shabbat Shalom everyone!

An Artless Fast

Today is Asarsa b'Tevet (the tenth of Tevet) and a fast day. We mark Nebuchadnezzer's seige on Jerusalem which resulted in thh destruction of the Beit haMikdash in 586 BCE.

These minor fasts are hard for me because, other than the whole no eating and drinking, the day is pretty much the same as always. I cook, I clean, I play with the girls. I can drive if I want. I can wash my hands. I do try to make certain distinctions in the day for myself. I don't listen to the radio/iPod/streaming media and I try to read a bit more than my usual morning readings. (Oddly enough this is more dificult as the girls get older.) This year I've added a distinction for the girls: no art.

Its a minor thing, but they love their colors and playing with stickers and the bits of collage materials I have for them. I suppose I could just focus their attentions on making something about the Beit haMikdash, but I'm not sure what that would be. So we just cut out art. So far I've only been asked once to paint. I just said "not now" and Chaya moved on to wanting oatmeal, but it is only 10:00 AM.

I'm not sure how much they will understand about why we aren't doing art or even if it will come up again, but they accept the simple statement of "we don't do X on Shabbat." At just under three it is so hard to tell what the really understand and what they simply accept as parental law.