Fried Gefelte Fish

This is one of my signature dishes. I'm not sure where the idea came from, but everyone I've told about it or prepared it for has never heard of anything like it.

Purchase the frozen gefelte fish loaf of your choice. Let it defrost for about 20 minutes. You want it soft enough to slice but not totally defrosted. I like Ungar's.

I can usually get 15-18 slices out of a loaf.


Prepare the usual schnitzel set-up. Egg, breading of your choice and a bit of vegetable oil warming in a pan.


When the oil is hot, dip a slice of fish into the egg and then into the breading and then slip into the pan. Turn when browned.


When the second side is browned, evacuate to a draining rig. I like a cooling rack over a paper bag-lined jelly roll pan.


Serve with salads. Even though it wasn't Monday, my girls wanted their muffin tins.



A few reasons I really like this dish is that it tastes fine cold, you can easily make HUGE batches at a time and freeze them and if you don't over cook them then they are still moist after being in the oven or on the platta for Shabbat.

It is also a good dish for people who don't like fish. It was the only fish I could eat when pregnant and I've had children who don't eat fish ask for thirds. In fact, there have only been two guests who haven't eaten this dish. One doesn't like onions and the gefelte fish loaf has onions in it and the other one was allergic to sesame seeds and I had used a breading with sesame seeds.

Superhero in the House.

Chaya is running around the house in her birthday suit with a scarf/towel/doll blanket tied around her neck shouting, "I'm a superhero! I'm a brave superhero!"

Thank You

everyone for the kind words. :) I'm doing better. Aba came home and helped clean up and get them settled for naps. We talked about things and I think we have a good plan moving forward.

Basically, the girls do much better when there is some sort of structure to their day. Not my strong suit, but we do what we have to for our kids. At first I was trying to figure out a bedtime, but decided to work backwards (forward?) instead. If I wake them at 7:30, then make sure they wake from their naps by 2:00 then the evenings should work out to a bedtime that fits with them. I've also put in an hour of "school" in the morning and either a walk or a bath in the evening. We are going to talk over a good bedtime routine for them following that and leave bedtime more open. That way we aren't as stressed out as to why they aren't going to sleep and can enjoy the time. Also, if they wake up 7:30, that gives me two hours of "free time" in the morning.

As for spending more time present with them, I know that is a weakness. Right now we are heading into the holidays and I have until Monday evening to prepare 6 meals. So they are left with more free time than I like. I have been planning on focusing on being present with them for API's Attachment Parenting Month. I figure I won't have the sickies and holidays to deal with.

I'm also planning on moving my "desk" into the living room. Then, even when I'm doing stuff I'm still closer to them. Not sure how that will work with them getting into stuff. I guess i'll have to learn not to keep all this junk on my desk.

Anyways, I'm feeling better. It's 2:20 and I need to wake everyone up and head out to the market. They are still a bit lipstick-y. Bath night is tomorrow. I guess they will have to live.

As for the toys, I gave each of them their pick of a baby or pony (C took the ponies and S&B took babies) and the others and kitchen stuff are going into the storage. They aren't really playing with the kitchen other than putting real food and beverage in the sink so it isn't that big of a loss. The place the kitchen was will become my desk area. Where my desk is now will house a table so that they can help in the kitchen and I don't have to move the freezer. Win-win I think.

First, thuoght, I need another coffee.

I am at such a loss

Seriously. I just don't know what to do. This morning S wouldn't let me get out of bed. I laid there with her for 90 minutes. Every time I moved she would start wimpering. Finally I told her that I had to go to the bathroom and got up. I had hoped that she would go to sleep and I could finally start my day. This has worked in the past, but not today. So she woke up at 6:45. Then she woke up her sisters at 7:15.

I had some cooking to do before we headed out for the farmer's market. So, the girls watched Sesame Street (okay, I watched some of it, too. I like Telly and Baby Bear. Sue me.) Then I headed to the kitchen. I got chicken soup started and assembled three dishes of Moroccan fish and two dishes of honey-mustard salmon.

The girls asked for Caillou. i turned it on and went to tidy the kitchen and get my stuff ready to go. Batya was with me and asked for juice. The sound of ice cubes clinking in the cups brought Chaya to the kitchen.

Covered in lipstick.

Face and hands.

Carrying my purse.

Which was empty.

I go to the living room. Shira is sitting on the sofa.

Covered in lipstick.

My wallet is open and empty.

Money, credit card, driver's license, Costco card are spread all over the room.

I admit it, I yelled. I screeched. I was ugly. I asked for my lipstick back. That was all I couldn't find. They refused to move. So I took their babies. Still, no move. So i took their ponies. Still, nothing. So I took their horse. Then their shoes. (This was the only thing that got any sort of reaction.) I also took their lacing and three books. They sat their while Batya looked for the lipstick. They let their innocent sister do all the work while they tried to play.

Then I walked around the sofa and saw the leather ottoman and their kitchen. Covered with lipstick. I took their kitchen. Guess what was inside the "oven" in a dish? My lipstick.

Now they are playing with the phone and pulling the cushions off of the sofa. I haven't cleaned them up.

I can't. I'm actually afraid of what I will do. I am so livid.

The last time they got into my lipstick, I laughed. I took a picture of Shira's red face. I bought a new tube. Life moved on. The last time they tore apart my wallet, I asked for it back and put it together.

I just can't.

Now we'll miss the farmer's market because we can't make it in time. I can't clean them up and get us to Santa Monica in time. I don't think. Maybe if I rushed. Maybe if I can hold my temper. I'm still shaking.

And what do I do with all these toys? Aba says to keep them for an hour. He also says to turn on the TV for them or let them play outside. That isn't the solution.

I need a break. I need some time to myself again. Unfortunately that has to wait until the time change. Until then the best I could do it drive around town late at night which isn't fun.

Because It Would Just Be So Totally, Totally Awesome

to be on Martha's blog. Wouldn't it? Admit it. You know you want to be there, too.

Monday Morning Meme

1. What did you do over the weekend? (Saturday and Sunday - be specific, please. Remember, this is a journal about your life, so, tell us about your life. *smile*)

Friday night we had a family-only Shabbat dinner. It went pretty well considering I was sick and the girls were getting over being sick. We had roast chicken which was a HUGE hit with the girls, baked potatoes, a yummy summer squash from the CSA box and the salmon was very good. (I coated it with honey and mustard and baked it.) All the salads and baked goods were store-bought. Shira spent the evening singing in front of the oven and the girls were, all in all, in a great mood. We went to bed fairly early and everyone slept well.

Saturday we had lunch at home. The girls were really sad when I told Iris Ohr that we were sick. Aba says she was sad, too. I caught Shira staring out the window at one point and when asked why she told me she was looking for Iris Ohr and May Tal because they were going to come and play with her. I felt like a meanie. But we can't just pass our cold around, can we?

The hamin got burned. Boo. Hiss. The girls were fussy at lunch because they were tired but they wouldn't nap. Finally, around 2:00 all of us got some sleep. I was able to do a lot of reading in the afternoon and it wasn't too hard with the girls. They are definitly used to going out on Shabbat, though! After havdalah, Aba let the girls watch Caillou and then he watched a soccer match. Then it was bed time for all of us females. Aba stayed up late, though.

Sunday morning I was getting the girls food when the phone rang. Aba picked it up upstairs so I figured it was the callback from his voicemail since we weren't expecting any calls. Turns out it was Grandpa saying he was coming up for a visit! We waited to tell the girls, but they were so excited when they found out. When the doorbell rang they started shouting, "Grandpa! Grandma 'Raine! Bernie!" and didn't seem fazed that it was Grandpa and Hazel.

Poor Hazel, though. Chaya was squealing and chasing her with Elmo and throwing My Little Ponies at her. Shira was getting close to her and when Hazel would look at her, Shira would screech and run away. Batya was trying to be nice and give her all sorts of toys, but was just freaking the poor dog out. That was just in the entry, too. When we got to the living room, Chaya kept running to the patio door and shouting, "C'mon outside and play, Hazel!"

Aba went to pick up lunch at the deli and the girls and I went for a walk around the block with Grandpa and Hazel. The girls walked almost the entire thing just holding Grandpa's and each other's hands while I pushed an empty stroller. I did get some cute pics of the five of them walking down the street. I felt bad when we were almost home and Shira got excited because she was going to find Grandma Lorraine and Bernie. Finally I had to promise that we would go to San Diego and the zoo with Grandma Lorraine soon. So I have to call her and set up a date!

Shira did manage to talk to Grandma Lorraine twice, though. Once, Grandpa caller her on his cell phone and Shira talked to her. The other time she called Grandpa and he let Shira answer. It was cute.

Finally it was time for him to go home. The girls were sad, but I distracted them with Caillou. Bad, I know. I tidied the kitchen and put the leftovers in the oven to warm up and Aba went to rest. While he was alseep, Shira peed and pooped in her potty. When he woke up, I ran to the market for milk and also picked up some lollipops as a treat for my potty girl.

After dinner we did baths and then got into our PJs. I had them just about asleep when Aba came home so he helped finish bedtime then we watched Bill Mahr. After that, I caught up on my blog reading and watched last week's Bones while I tidied the kitchen. Then it was bedtime.

2. Which are scarier to you: ghosts or aliens? Why? Do you believe in either/both? Why or why not?

I'm not sure about aliens. I know that there is a lot of space and it is odd that we would be all there is, but I'm still not sure. Ghosts, though, I definitly believe in. Well, ghosts/angels/spirits I do. Even more so since I had the girls. I have a picture of something around Shira when she was playing with a lamp she unplugged. (I caught her after unplugging it so grabbed the camera to take a picture of "the troublemaker" and there is something there and nothing it can be reflected from.) I've also had experiences where the girls act like someone is in a room where there is no one else. This was when they were a few months old so I don't believe it was just their imagination.

Once, I was trying to get C asleep and it was jsut the two of us in the room. She was staring at a corner and smiling and giggling. I moved her so that she couldn't see it and she struggled to look. Finally I told her it was bedtime and to say goodnight that she could play int he morning and we waved. She went right to sleep as though someone had left.

I'm sure soome would say that this was just a biological thing and her mind was jsut running through all of the stuff it learned, but they won't convince me.

3. I can’t live without my _________. Now, please tell us why you can’t live without it.

Right now? My Keurig. Why I waited so long I'll never know. My Senseo was never this good. I got it Friday afternoon, made a cup for my dad, a cup for Aba and 9 cups for me. Wow. That doesn't sound like a lot, but I didn't use the machine on Shabbat. So that was pretty much Friday afternoon and Sunday.

I'll be giving a review of my machine soon. I'm still plowing through the sample box of K-cups to come up with favorites.

4. What is the cheesiest movie you ever saw, and secretly enjoyed? Why did you enjoy it so much?

The only one that comes to mind is The Fifth Element. I'm sure there are others, but I really liked it and it is just total escapism. Really odd, too, since I usually can't stand Bruce Willis. I'm pretty sure the reason it is stuck in my head right now is that I read something about it on a blog recently. Though I couldn't tell you which one or what. LOL I just remember someone mentioning Willis and an orange tank top.

Before

I can not believe I am sharing this on the internet. now I HAVE to make the "after" be super cool.

I actually started on it tonight. First, i put all the dishes away. Then I tossed the visible trash and moved the stuff that obviously shouldn't be there out of the kitchen. Then I put the little things that have homes away. Finally I cut the dried herbs down and bagged them up. This means I can move the pans and dates over so that I can open the cabinet without killing my poor dates. Still a lot to do, but I'm done for the day. Tomorrow I'm going to tackle the desk area.

I did have a bout of reason and will not be moving the freezer downstairs yet. Rosh Hashannah starts in a week. What was I thinking? I will get it moved and the girls' work table moved in here, but I think it will wait until after the holidays.

Muffin Tin Monday

I had fun with this one. I got some egg molds and tried them out for the first time. I definitely need more! This was for breakfast. My girls aren't big breakfast eaters and I'm trying to find something that will encourage them.

• Egg star
• Melon spears
• String cheese
• Tomato
• Crackers
• Water

While I was at it, I made a Laptop Lunch up for Aba.

• Israeli Salad
• Matbucha
• Cookies
• Melon
• Cheese
• Moroccan Carrots
• Egg Star

Random Pictures

I just noticed that there are no pictures on the front page. Here are some random shots from the camera.

Before & After

Ahhh....My poor little kitchen. It is a clutter magnet. But I'm going to get it de-cluttered. For real. Not just dwindle the junk down to a pile to "put away later" or "figure out where it goes" before I move on to other stuff. I've got some ideas for it. It involves moving my freezer. And refinishing a table so that I have toddler-accessible work space. And finishing my ribbon board. We won't even mention the paper. Or the art supplies. Its all going to find a home.

I can hear all of you telling yourselves that it'll never happen. You all know me. But it will. Promise.

See, I've joined BooMama's Before and After. I'd look really lame if I didn't do anything and people came by to see what I did. I can't look lame. Nope. 'Cause I'm cool.

I've taken my before pictures. I'll get them uploaded today or tomorrow.

Overheard, Take 3

Saving the best for last. C's new routine for anything diaper related is to claim she pooped.

C: Diaper
Me: (Having just put her diaper on I was suspect about the need.) Really.
C: Poopoo, Ima.
Me: Where?
C: Biiiiiig poopoo.
Me: You went poopoo?
C: Big, stinky poopoo.
C: Big, big, poopoo. Stinky. Yuck!
Me: You went poopoo?
C: In my butt. Big poopoo!

I changed her out of a clean, dry diaper into another one and we repeated this routine throughout the day.

Overheard, Take 2

Last night S earned her name. (Shira means song in Hebrew.) She spent most of dinner in her diaper standing in front of the oven and singing to her reflection.

Her favorite songs seem to be "Ring Around the Rosy," "Rain, Rain Go Away" and the theme to Caillou. She also likes to add "Ashen, ashen, we all fall dow!" to just about every song. (Ashes, ashes, we all fall down!)

Overheard, Take 1

The girls and I sent Shabbat at home today since we are all either sick or recovering. I brushed out everyone's hair and they were instructing me on clip locations when C hugged B and said, "Batya's my baby sister!"

Then we went on the rounds of who was the baby sister of whom. B was a bit upset that she didn't have a baby sister so we have adopted "baby" as B's baby sister.

Shabbat Shalom!

Not much today because I'm sick, have Shabbat preparations to do and want to declutter my kitchen, too. (Thank you, dh, for taking me to the market last night for some ready-made stuff, and thank you Rosa for doing the cleaning and helping with the girls. And thank you, Hashem for bringing these people into my life!)

I just wanted to take a moment to remind everyone that this Shabbat is National Day of Lashon Hara Awareness (sponsored by the OU and in memory of Maurice and Hanni Ehrman a”h).

Its a good reminder to watch our words and what we listen to as we head into Rosh Hashannah and 5769.

Shabbat Shalom everyone!

A Traveling We Will Go

Well, it looks like we will be heading to Israel before the girls turn three. (After our last trip we said we would go after they turned three. That didn't last. We miss it too much!) So, I find myself researching and making lists. We are buying 5 seats so that means 10 suitcases and 5 carry-ons. I keep joking about that and you should see the look of horror on people's faces at the idea of lugging 3 toddlers, 3 carseats, a stroller, 5 carry-ons and 10 suitcases through security.

Seriously, though, I'm thinking minimalist.

• 1 large suitcase for the girls and I (or two smaller ones depending on the logistics of the rental car)
• 1 small suitcase with sposies, learners and potty seat for the girls. (This is going to depend on how pottying is going. I might take the potty seat thingee on the plane if they are really into using it.)
• 1 small/medium suitcase with toiletries, shoes and the assorted electrical cords and chargers. I also need to put the rear-facing boots for the carseats into there since you can't rear-face the Radians on the plane.
• 3 carseats that I'm going to use bungee cords to connect to a rolling luggage cart.
• Stroller. We haven't decided which to take. The Joggers are beasts and don't fit everywhere, but we want to go to Masada, Ein Gedi and do more walking so a jogger would be wonderful. And the girls aren't super great at listening, though they are getting better. The other option is the Maclaren which is compact, but are horrid to push on beat-up sidewalks.
• Carry-on for me with my toiletry case, a book and some magazines and some knitting.
• Carry-on for the girls with toys, books and snacks. (I'm considering three small backpacks for the girls, but they might be too young and it might just add to the hassle.)
• Diaper bag with a change of clothing for the girls.
• Small bag with food. We have a seven hour layover in Paris and we will likely not find kosher food. Plus dairy stuff won't keep cold for 11+ hours so I'll be coming up with some creative non-perishable and packable food ideas.
  

Did you notice what was missing from my list? That's right. This trip Aba is taking care of all of his own stuff. I'm not packing his suitcases, commenting on what he takes, carrying his stuff in my bags. I do all of this for him and he either doesn't listen to my suggestions than complains that he brought too much/the wrong stuff, complains that he forgot stuff, complains that he can't find stuff or complains that I'm taking too long and too many bags. I've told him before that I wasn't going to pack for him and I always give in. I told him when we got home from this trip that he was going to be on his own. This time I mean it. I have four people to pack for and three of them can't help me. I don't have time to add another person to that list.

Now, your job is to hold me to that.

Update

I feel bad for not updating in a while. Things have just been a bit difficult here and I've not felt any desire to post. I have been writing, though, so there might be some of that popping up. I figure I'll give a nice overview update of things here.

Potty learning is driving me nuts. I keep reminding myself and the girls that we aren't in a hurry and there is no pressure. But really. This is getting ridiculous. B will sit on the potty for an hour, dance and play naked for an hour with no accidents. Then she asks for a diaper while doing the Ivegottogoreallybadly dance. If you sit her on the potty she won't go. Put a diaper or learners on her and she goes. Put regular panties on her and she will sit on the potty and go. With the panties on. So just when I think I can't handle it anymore and I'm going to put her back into a diaper and put the potty away she will just sit on the potty and go.

Last week I was worrying that she might be getting a UTI. She would hold herself and cry like she was in agony. This happened with diapers, learners, panties or naked. I upped her liquids and she stopped doing it. I'm really just at a loss with her.

The other two. Ugh. C is the least problematic. She will happily wear a diaper or sit on the potty. She has had success once and was very happy, but hasn't repeated it. S will cry that she wants to sit on the potty any time you are putting panties, learners or a diaper on her. It doesn't matter how long she's been sitting there. But after all the sitting, she will get up and pee on the floor.

I do have a stack of prefolds on the shelf and the girls have to help clean up their accidents. I also have them put their diapers, learners and panties in the laundry when they decide to take them off. That only seems to really effect Batya. I still think she will be first. I just thought it would be a little more consistent than it has been.

Sleeping is getting better. We had a few nights where I thought we had fallen into a good routine, but then it got messed up with some rough nights and now I know that we are getting colds. It started one night when S was going to sleep and told me that she wanted the little bed and that C would sleep in the "green bed."

For those not in the know, for the past year or so B has slept in the "green" bed alone and the other two have slept in the "yellow" bed together. B would wake up 3 times at night (to come to bed, for a diaper change and then when Aba gets up) and one of the others would wake up. Whomever was left in the bed alone would sleep fine.

So, I thought about it and we put S and C asleep in separate beds and B with us. B woke up once for a diaper change. That was it. So we did it again. And Again. After three nights we figured we had success. Then we had a everybodywakeupandclimbintothebigbed night. And another. Then last night they all went to bed at 6:45 and S woke up around 9:00 with a stuffy nose and some sneezing. The decongestant got her pretty wired but Aba and I made a big show of doing our bedtime routines and getting into bed. Batya woke for her diaper change and S slept fine once she got to sleep.

Transitioning out of cribs is happening soon. It is taking me forever to get the juk room (girls' bedroom) cleaned so I'm going to change my method. We are taking the guest bed apart and then in the space created I'll just box the junk up and move it down stairs. Then we'll move the mattress upstairs. We just need to figure out when we want to do it because I don't want to put the bed there and have them play with it. So we need to look at the calendar adn holiday schedule and figure out when the best time is.

Schooling is all figured out. We're going to homeschool for preschool and possibly kindergarden. After that we will decide. Nothing is starting until they are three. Until then, I'm just going to keep doing some light Montessori work with them. I'm careful not to do certain things. I don't call it work, I don't use mats or rugs and we don't wear aprons. I want those things to start when we start formal homeschool because I think they are really great visual cues that it is "school time" as opposed to just play time.

I'm taking this time to find and make supplies and lesson plans. I have some fun ideas. We've also been working on the basic things like courtesy, setting the table, cleaning up, washing hands, helping each other and some of the beginning Montessori work like color tablets, pouring rice, spooning, sorting, lacing and matching. The girls will even ask for certain things by name. "I want to lace, Ima." So grown up!

Knitting is getting there. I'm busy working on B's Joseph. I fell in love with both the pattern and the yarn I used for C's so I purchased two other colorways. I have three sweaters-worth of yarn for me and two for Aba so I'm pretty set for the next year or so. I've cancelled all my YOTM memberships and don't plan on buying for quite a while unless something comes up that I need to make and need yarn for. I can't see that hapenning, but never say never.

Scrapbooking is getting back on track. I'm learning Photoshop so I can do more pages with that. I've also been scalping scrapbook supplies for the girls' art so I'm not feeling too badly about stuff I'll never use. My goal with all the craft stuff is to get down to a reasonable amount of basic supplies. I want to craft, not collect craft stuff.

Thoughts

Yesterday, when filling out this meme from Phyllis at Ima on (and Off) the Bima, one of the items got me thinking. And thinking. And thinking. You know the way it goes. Your mind wanders from point to point until you hit on something that just invades your thoughts and keeps you up at night and wakes you in the morning.

I went to bed last night with my baby girl stretched against my back considering getting up to write. Or maybe just sneaking into the bathroom and scribbling ideas onto the pad of paper tucked into the book I was reading at bathtime. I even wrote this first paragraph in my head during those moments before sleep takes over.

This morning I awoke as Aba left for slichot and just wanted to get to the computer and write. But Batya was fussing and I needed to get her calmed first. (Darn molars!) So here I sit, three paragraphs written, a cup of coffee cooling on the table next to me and I haven't even touched on the thoughts that haunt me.

Hope.

Or the lack thereof.

A long while ago someone told me that they felt sorry for me because when I die I'll find out that there is nothing. Now, going beyond the morbidity of telling someone that, I found it (and still find it) very sad. Let's just ignore the most obvious point: if there is nothing, then what does it matter what I believe?

I just can't imagine anything more depressing. To think that this imperfect world is it. This world filled with hate, violence, death and destruction is the best we can be. Really? This is it? There is no greater calling and purpose for humankind? I can't be the only person to find that sad. A bit pathetic, too.

I have to admit, that I prefer it my way.

I go about my day doing the best that I can. I work hard to make it a happy day filled with joy and brachot for my children. I try to teach them kindness and compassion. I teach them to be thankful for all that they have and to never stop reaching for what they want. I want them to see that the world, flawed as it is at this moment, is better than it was a moment before and will continue to improve because we improve it every moment that we live, work and strive for tikkun olam. And someday we will merit Mashiach's appearence and this imperfect world will be forgotten.

You can call me naive. You can tell me you pity me. But I will continue to do what I do because living without hope is something I just can't do.

The Getty

I just realized I didn't share our "Family Fun Day" plans. Basically, every Sunday through the month of September we are making an effort to go out as a family and enjoy these last bits of summer. Soon we'll be caught up in the Holiday rush, then a trip to Israel then Hanukkah and winter.

Last Sunday was Danny's birthday so we went out to see him and had a small family party. I'll post some pics from that later.

Today we went to the Getty Center. It was fun and it was really nice because when the girls started getting fussy we left without feeling the need to finish looking at the exhibits that we wanted to see.

I packed lunches so we ate outside near the water.





The family area is incredible. I didn't get any great pictures of it, but they are little cubicles with enlarged interactive rooms based on exhibits. The girls' favorite was based on a photo mural by David Hockney and had lenses that you could look in through and large magnets so you could create your own mural and mirrors that you moved to change the view of the mural. And, of course, they managed to find some books.





Finally, we headed for the flowering maze. Not really a maze, but that's what it is called. The girls loved being able to touch and smell all of the flowers.








I haven't decided what is up for next Sunday. We'd like to visit the Getty Villa, but a timed entrance isn't necessarily a good thing for us. maybe the Skirball or Kidspace.

I Am...

Since I am a loyal reader of Ima on (and off) the Bima, I am compelled to fill this out. And it was fun. :)

a meme from Mama Zen

i am . . .

i am: worn out from all of the fighting.
i think: I need a "me" day.
i know: I'm getting even though it seems like I'm not.
i want: the junk out of the house
i have: no need for a Pink Tower.
i wish: I had a radio in the kitchen.
i hate: heat rashes.
i miss: too much by focusing on perfection.
i fear: Passing on bad habits to my girls.
i feel: overwhelmed
i hear: the girls chattering
i smell: salmon cooking.
i crave: protein
i search: for meaning
i wonder: how long until this pile of books on my table falls over.
i regret: missing the early months of my girls' lives.
i love: sitting in the sun.
i ache: when i hear some people talk about the future.
i care: too much.
i always: try to sheild my children from sadness.
i am not: pessimistic
i believe: that there is a reason for hope.
i dance: not often enough.
i sing: badly.
i cry: when I yell.
i don't always: do what I should.
i fight: for my right to parrrrrrty! (I couldn't resist.)
i write: all the time.
i win: if I put my mind to it.
i lose: my purse.
i never: wake up on time.
i confuse: people.
i listen: to audiobooks
i can usually be found: at home
i am scared: that I will screw up my girls' lives
i need: coffee.
i am happy about: our day today.

What I Would Get With $500

So, the question was raised because dh got paid for something he had written off as never getting paid for.So he told me it was for me to get something for the girls and I. So I've been mulling it over. To be honest, we're pretty set here right now so it will probably go towards some stuff when we end up moving. I've found quite a few cute things I want for the playroom, girls' room and art studio when we manage to get them. But, here is my list:

2 easels from Ikea. I could get by with one, but since this is a wish list, I want two.
2 rolls of paper for said easels.
3 photo albums
Polaroid film (I have three cameras for Hanukah gifts so some more film would be nice.)
Water/sand table
Playdough tools (Actually, I'll be getting these so that I have a couple copies of their favorites for our Israel tip.)
Spray-on watercolors because they look so cool.
And some dress-up stuff.

Israel is Calling

So it looks like we'll be heading to Israel in late November-early December. I'm really excited and am already starting to plan what we need. The sad thing is that we have to get 5 seats. That means 10 pieces of luggage and 5 carry-ons, though. I'm not planning on taking that much there, but back...no guarantees. Bwahahahaha!

Now, the real fun is the girls. In all likelyhood we will not have full potty-learnedness (word?) by then. So I'm not going to stress it and am planning on carting dipes. I'll probably add some trainers for when we are around the apartment and will have to get the girls used to the little potty seat that goes on the toilet because I AM NOT lugging a Baby Bjorn potty chair. Though I have room.

Last trip I worked out the times of the flights so that it would coincide with naps and bedtime. FAIL. This time I'm just planning on them being awake the entire trip and bringing a carry-on of toys and books and snacks. I'll be stealing this idea from Melissa at Chasing Cheerios. In fact, I have 8 lovely pencil cases and a page of ideas already.

Now, if anyone has ideas on ways to keep 31-month-olds calm during international flights let me know. Note to self: Hit up Costco for a double pack of Benadryl. I'd also love any tips on conquering jetlag in said toddlers, please share.

Guess who has been doing Hanukkah planning?

Yeah, I admit it. I'm excited for this year's gift giving. I think the girls are going the "get" the whole holiday this year. I don't think they are ready for too much of a Tzedakah project, but we will do something (probably collect canned goods for Tomchei Shabbat or children's toys for a local lady who gives them out to families in need.)

Anyhow, some of you know about my (unhealthy) fondness for all things Oompa. I got this email the other day and now I'm thinking about these. Originally I wanted to get the girls some Anamalz, but the Anamalz kind of squick me out with the fabric bits. They just look kind of creepy.

Now, hold my hand because you know I'm tempted to buy them now and "keep" them for Hanukkah. But we know that if I do that I will (a) lose them in the mess of a house (b) the girls will find them or (c) I'll cave and give them to the girls early.

I want

this.

Well, at least two of them. Maybe three? I need to see one IRL to figure out if two of the girls will fit well on one.

Maybe Aba can design something that would work with all three. Hmmm...that's an idea.

Of course, it won't fit in our current kitchen. So I need to move first. Can you hear that one?

"Aba, we need to move ASAP."
"Why?"
"I found this really cool thing for the girls to help in the kitchen, but it won't fit in ours so I need a bigger kitchen."

Yeah. That would go over well.

Creaking springs wake me up. Another night has passed and you’ve stayed in your bed. Another night when you didn’t ask to sleep “in the big bed.” I sense you there and open my eyes to yours. “Mommy,” you ask. I lift you into bed and pull the covers up. You close your eyes against the sun. You snuggle and shift. I look at you and see your smile.

Eyes closed.

Not the big toothy grin of mischievous thoughts.

Not the eye-batting smile of ImsocuteyouhavetodowhatIwant.

Not the full-faced grin of joy when you play.

This smile is one of months and years past. The satisfied smile of an unexpected swallow of milk or the rarely well-placed SNS. The peaceful smile of a dry diaper, a full tummy and tightly-swaddled limbs. The contented smile of curled up with your sisters among the beeps and clatter of the NICU.

The moment is short-lived. Soon Shira wakes up and bounces from bed. Batya joins her in shouting, “Chaya! Chaya!” We are all up and running and the moment is just a sweet memory.

Tonight you’ll tell me that you want to sleep in the yellow bed. With “Shia.” You’ll sleep, tucked into bed with her until the sun starts peeking through the curtains.

Maybe tomorrow night you’ll tell me that you want to sleep with me. Or I might just have to be content with that before-bed cuddle and early-morning snuggle.